David's Birth: Part II- The Birth
THE BIRTH
9:23am- I prayed “God- please keep this baby safe, and give me every ounce of strength I need to push him or her out NOW. And if I am unable, give these medical professionals the wisdom and ability to do whatever they need to do to help” and when that the next contraction came, I bared down with every single ounce of effort, muscle and energy I possibly had left and on the third push out slipped our precious baby! It happened so fast I had no time to reach down and assist as I had hoped I might be able to. In a split second I went from pushing, to feeling him come out head, shoulders, knees and toes all at once and then be swiftly placed on my chest. There were a ton of nurses around now covering him in towels and rubbing him vigorously trying to get him to take his first breath. It was a bit chaotic for a moment as I took in the overwhelming feeling that “THE BABY IS HERE!” while watching the nurses get him going. It only took a moment before he caught his breath and let out a sweet little cry. All the while Michael is trying to snag a peek to see if it is a boy or a girl. Then he surprised me by not saying the gender, but instead he told me with all the love in the world “It’s David. It’s David Anders” and my heart soared! I really did not have a preference either way but there was something SO special to me that it was a little BOY! “We have a son!” I thought over and over again. I gazed down at his perfect little fingers and left his soft little toes. His deep blue eyes looked up at me and he latched immediately and began to nurse (this would be the last time for a while we would have an easy time nursing- I call this “the tease.” What a magical feeling it was to hold our son on my chest, after months of dreaming of this exact moment. I kissed Michael and cried and smiled and said “I can’t wait to do this again!” (Those happy hormones they tell you about are really no joke)
I have to take a moment here to brag on and thank Michael. He was the ultimate birth partner- supporting me, rubbing my back, dabbing me with a cold wet cloth, giving me sips of water. He advocated for me, went up to bat for me, did not waver once, held no fear, no hesitation. Only complete confidence and support. I asked him afterwards if there was any point in which he got nervous or didn’t think I had what it took and he confidently said no. The ONLY thing that he questioned was how WONKY David’s head was when he came out! He leaned over and whispered to Elizabeth “uh… is he okay? Is it supposed to look like that?!” they reassured us it was completely normal and that it would go back quickly- which it did. David already had a wonderful father who just could not wait to kiss him all over, sing silly tunes and dance in the kitchen, play catch with one day and teach about Jesus. We are one lucky family to have him- that is for sure.
As I was holding David, Elizabeth got to work taking care of delivering the placenta and stitching me up. They ended up giving me Pitocin to help with the placenta and offered me fentanyl to help while getting stitched. I accepted them and this is my only regret of the entire day. I asked if she thought I really needed them (this was not something I had researched or considered at ALL so I was taken off guard) and she said for a 2nd degree tear, which I had, it was her experience that the pain meds were quite helpful and I would wish I had them. So I trusted her and went for it but unfortunately it only made me feel hazy, loopy and almost a little drunk. Room spinning, my speech felt slurred and I felt like I could no longer really connect with David. I immediately asked them to take the meds out of the IV but unfortunately it was in shot form so it was already all in my system so all I could do was wait. Luckily about 45 minutes later it had mostly worn off and I was feeling somewhat back to normal. Once I was stitched up Elizabeth showed me the placenta! I did not think I would want to see it but wow getting to see an organ that your body grew from scratch to sustain the life of your baby for 9 months is pretty incredible. I’m really glad I got to see it.
Slowly the nurses left the room, Cody took a few more photos and then her and Kari shuffled out with tired feet and bloodshot eyes. I am so thankful for both of them being there, helping us and documenting this journey. Finally, it was just me, David, Michael and my Mom. We relaxed and reveled in this new life for about an hour. Then the nurses came in to take his measurements and I was off to the bathroom to try to pee- an epic journey to be sure. I was relieved that they had finally come because I felt the need to pee SO bad, but once I sat down… nothing. My body literally could not remember how to pee. I was trying so hard but… nothing. The nurse came in and told me to just relax and take my time and sure enough about 5 minutes later it finally happened! Whew- what relief! She then got me all dressed up with my fancy panties, pad and ice pack that I got to sport for the next few days. I got settled in my robe and went back in the room to see Michael holding sweet David. I still could not wrap my mind around what had just happened but was so overjoyed that we had made it to this moment! Then they wheeled in the breakfast cart- a plate of eggs, bacon and a biscuit. This southern girl had never been more excited to see a biscuit! I scarfed down that plate of food so fast- it was the best breakfast I had ever had!
RECOVERY
They wheeled us down to the Mother Baby Recovery Wing where we would stay the next 48 hours (first time mom rule- we tried to jail break early but they were not having it!) I remember being so relieved they brought a wheel chair because walking further than across the room seemed impossible at this point. So they wheeled us down and plopped us in the room and before they left I actually asked the questions “so uh, when do we feed him again? And um, do you change the diapers or do we?!” haha they had been taking care of everything so seamlessly I honestly wasn’t sure how this worked! They kindly replied that we do that now and that another nurse would be back shortly to explain everything to us. Then in walked an angel- her name was Francis. Francis would be our nurse for the next two days and we would fall in love with her. She was so caring and helpful- we will be forever grateful that she was our nurse. They explained that we would try to nurse every 2 hours or so and change him anytime he was wet. Other than that, we are on our own and they would check in every so often to see how it was going! We slept, ate, visited and just reveled in this adorable miracle we had just brought into the world. I will never forget Michael changing a poopy (meconium) diaper while David lay in his bassinet and while the diaper was open another BUBBLE of black tar began to emerge from our adorable little baby and as Michael wiped it yet ANOTHER ball of black tar came out! Michael exclaimed- “It’s the size of a CUPCAKE!” We got some serious laughs after that. Then later we were both peed on while changing a diaper- it’s amazing how slowly you think to react and cover him up with his diaper while you are getting peed on and laughing all at the same time.
While we were very much ready to get home, the care we received was absolutely wonderful. I will never forget my grilled cheese and tomato soup lunch (and dinner!) that first day. Finished off with 2 huge and delightful chocolate chip cookies. Breast feeding made me constantly hungry and since I had basically just lost 20 lbs I wasn’t holding back. My mom left that first evening and went back to our house to clean and prepare for us. I sure did miss having her there but there was something really special about it just being the 3 of us for a bit (in between nurse and doctor visits.) David was perfectly healthy and I was healing nicely as well. That first night, after a shower, Michael read Barnyard Dance (the random book he thought to throw in his bag on the way out the door) and we snuggled in my hospital bed- this was a very special moment. It was tough for all of us to be in separate beds, though, those first few nights. David in his bassinet, Michael on worlds most uncomfortable pull out chair (not that that kept him from snoozing through much of the next 24 hours ;D ) and me in my hospital bed. It would have made a huge difference to have a queen bed Michael and I could have slept in together. I know… first world problems- but it was more of an emotional, and really, practical desire. If I needed something and David was sleeping I was practically throwing things across the room to get Michael’s attention without waking David! In any case- I’ve seen queen-size beds in birthing centers and they seem to make a lot of sense.
The next day Brittany and William came to visit- which was so special. It felt surreal to see them there, 2 of our best friends standing there like normal, and here we are with a BABY- OUR BABY. And Brittany had sweet Henry in HER belly. Surreal moments for sure. She snapped some super sweet pictures for us, ones I will always treasure (even if I look puffy and tired, if not completely overjoyed) they are so special to us. That afternoon David received his circumcision. This is a decision we agonized over, researched, talked about at length, and ultimately decided to do. The surgery went very well and Michael was there for the entire thing. They brought him back to the room and he was fussy so I nursed him right away and they said they would be back every 15 mins or so to make sure his bleeding had stopped. We went to change his diaper with Frances in the room and there was still blood in his diaper. They whisked him away in what was one of the scariest moments of our entire time at the hospital. We didn’t know or understand how serious this was or why they took him so quickly. All she said was that while it was only a little blood it should have stopped by now and a little blood is a lot for a tiny baby. Michael and I sat there waiting to hear more, wondering if this was no big deal or if his life was actually at risk because of a surgery we elected to do. About 20 minutes later the nurse came back to give an update- the reason it took so long for an update was because her and another nurse were literally holding gauze and Vaseline on his penis for pressure to see if it would clot on its own (so she was unable to leave to talk to us). He unfortunately did not clot on his own (despite his Vitamin K shot), so they had to use Avitene, a clotting powder. This stuff looks terrible but did the job. Now he needed to be more closely monitored and we had to slather it with Vaseline every time we changed his diaper to make sure it stayed moisturized and the dry diaper did not irritate it. That night was pretty rough. Not only had we been through the ringer emotionally, David was in pain and upset. He barely slept and while the pacifier soothed him, every 15 mins or so, just enough for me to doze off, he would spit it out and then proceed to cry. Michael somehow slept through all of this which only made me more upset, although in his defense I never asked for help. At one point in the middle of the night a nurse came in and asked if she would like me to watch him for a bit so I could get some sleep. YES. YES PLEASE and THANK YOU. So she wheeled him down to the nurses station where he got plenty of attention and a little nap and I was also able to get some shut eye.
HOME
The next day (10 November) we awoke with a renewed sense of peace and hope. David was doing well and in much better spirits and we would be discharged today! After a nice long shower we began to tidy up the room and pack away all of the loot they stock your room with- if you don’t take it with you they throw it away! Michael went and picked up our final meal- eggs, bacon, biscuits and fruit- YUM! All we had to do was wait for the pediatrician on call to come check out David and give us the green light. Dr. Christ (no joke) this big teddy bear of a pediatrician came and checked on David, said everything was looking wonderful and we were free to go home! The nurse processed our paperwork, we loaded our sweet little Bean into his car seat- looking particularly tiny, had the nurse snap a quick picture, and walked outta there! It was the first time I had left that hallway in 2 days! Michael pulled the car around and I had this surreal moment of standing by the curb in my sweats, baby beside me in the carrier, blue balloon in my hand… I felt like a scene out of a movie. It was a super cloudy, drizzly day- typical for a November day in Germany. We loaded the car, I snapped a few pictures and we were off! We had to swing by a drug store on the way home to pick up Vaseline to continue treating his circumcision site- which was an unwelcome stop. I was uncomfortable, hungry, David was hungry and we were all ready to get HOME. But Michael valiantly popped into the Rossman and came out with two tubs of the finest German version of Vaseline- and we were finally on our way HOME! My mom greeted us at the door with joy and excitement and a CLEAN HOUSE. (Moms- they are the best aren’t they?!) We unloaded and I plopped on the couch to embark on feeding little man and reveling in the fact that we were HOME. And we had a BABY. God is SO GOOD.
The next few weeks would pass in a blur of frustrating feedings, a baby refusing to sleep in his bassinet, getting peed on, stressing over lack of poop, crying over lack of sleep, sharing meals with friends who graciously kept our tummy’s full and staring into those baby blues for more hours than I can count. He was a JOY. He was a BLESSING. He was EXHAUSTING. We were parents and we simply could NOT believe it (which we said aloud… daily) Two main events occurred in those first few weeks that are worth a small side story:
First, when David was a mere 4 days old we were standing in the kitchen joyfully cooking some breakfast, (This quickly turned into my favorite meal of the day since I was ravished after being up every 2 hours feeding and was so excited to eat ALL THE RUNNY EGGS now) when Michael looked out the window and said
“Your dad is here”
“what!?”
“Your dad is here”
“Whose dad?!” (Definitely not mine, not only is he stateside he is on a hunting trip)
“Babe- YOUR dad is HERE”
I turn and look outside and sure enough, there is Jim Croft bounding up the stairs with a big grin on is face, Mema (his mom- my grandmother and David’s Great Grandma) trailing behind him.
I race to the door, fling it open, give him the biggest hug and proceed to bawl my eyes out. #hormones. (You really shouldn’t surprise a 4-day postpartum mom you know, unless you want tears, lots and lots of tears) Once I finally realized this was in fact NOT my imagination I quickly ushered them inside, scooped up David, and handed my dad his first grandchild. Pause here because… no words.
Next my Mema, my Dad’s mom, got to hold her 3rd GREAT-grandchild. God is so good!
They only stayed for a few days, which was okay because we were still trying to get a hold on LIFE, and luckily I knew I would see my entire family (Dad, Brett & Em) for Christmas just 6 weeks later. But those few days snuggled on the couch, sharing meals together, walking around the block and discovering David- were SO special and I will never forget the feeling of seeing Dad walk through my front door that day. Side note- he WAS on a hunting trip, but flew home to ATL where my Mema met him at the airport and they boarded the plane to Germany. That was a LOT of travel for my dad, and I will always be so grateful for his willingness to move mountains to come see us.
The second event that had a huge impact on us was my meeting with Amy, another angel in our story- a Certified Lactation Consultant. I had met with the one at the hospital at his 2-week check-up and was basically told to keep doing what I was doing. Which was fighting my way through 45-minute, fussy feedings with a nipple shield, bleeding nipples, excruciating pain and a crying baby who was BARELY back at birth weight at 2.5 weeks old. I knew he was doing okay, and I was doing “okay”, but neither of us were doing GREAT when it came to feedings and I just knew in my gut it could be better. New moms-all I can say here is SEEK HELP. Seek it consistently until you feel you get the help you need and it makes the difference you are hoping for! Amy came over and sat on my couch with me and David for over TWO HOURS. We chatted, I asked ALL my questions, she felt David’s mouth, assessed his body placement, watched me nurse, encouraged me and actually TAUGHT ME how to breastfeed. There are so many different ways to go about it, and I had read the books, gone to the classes and Googled ALL OF THE THINGS- but this was different. She SAW us, observed, and problem solved specifically for us. She gave me confidence in what I was doing. She empowered me to take my own comfort seriously- right up there in level of importance with David’s nutrition. (This might sound crazy, but a mom who is bleeding and seeing stars every time she nurses is probably not going to stick with it much longer- and it doesn’t have to be that way!) The meeting was a total success, within 48 hours we had ditched the nipple shield all together, he was latching completely on his own and just took off. By his 2-month appointment the pediatrician literally did not recognize him and he went from the 37th percentile in weight to the 85th and eventually the 99th by his 3rd month. Breastfeeding is HARD. It is not all that natural and can require a LOT of help! I am SO glad we were able to receive quality care and the help we needed. And I think little man and his chunky thighs and wrist rolls are pretty happy about it too.
So that concludes my birth, and life immediately following, story. As I finally finish writing this David is one week from his 6 month birthday and I am constantly surprised by what a JOY it is to be his mom. Watching him grow and learn and explore and discover the world around him is truly a gift. We pray over him daily and are growing in our own walks with the Lord as a result of becoming parents- and isn’t that exactly how God designed it? Thank you, Jesus, for our sweet boy, for the way you have blessed this family, and we pray that your blessings will continue to be upon us- amen.